Engagement Season is Here!

Did you know the holidays are one of the most - if not the most - popular times for getting engaged? What a perfect gift to give and to receive...an engagement ring!...But this post is not about the engagement ring, it is about the actual act of getting engaged. When he pops the question, what do you do first? Scream, yell, cry, call your mom, call your best friend? After you do that what do you do...post it on your blog, send an email...what is a girl to do?

Here is the scoop on engagement etiquette!

Do you need to a ring to be officially engaged?
A ring or a date is not necessary for your engagement to be considered official. This is quite simply a matter of him proposing. If he asks, and you accept, you are officially engaged. However….most people (i.e. your parents) will take it more seriously if there is some sort of ring involved (Just being honest here!)

Does my fiancé need to ask permission for my hand in marriage? 

For the most part, this custom is no longer applicable, but some men do still choose to follow with tradition. Ultimately you and he should really think about what your parents would prefer…it can simply be a sign of respect.

Does the ring have to have a diamond? 

Nope…anything will do, even a simple gold band. Don’t get caught up in what it is supposed to be, but rather what it means.

Does the ring really need to equal two months salary? 

First, see above question. Next, an engagement ring should not cost more than you and your future spouse can afford to spend. The price of the ring should be proportional to the size of your income.

How do we decide which set of parents to tell first? 

Traditionally the bride-to-be’s family is told first. The groom’s family is told next. Once this is done, the groom’s family contacts your parents. If your parents are divorced, his parents should call the parent who raised you, and then call the other parent later if the two of you are still close. As a side note, if one of you has children, tell them right away. You have no obligation to tell an ex-spouse right away…unless there are children involved.

My parents are divorced. Whom should I tell first?

If you still live with a parent, they should be the first to know. Otherwise, whichever parent raised you or you are the closest to should be told first. However (there is almost always a “however”) if say your parents are divorced and your Dad loves your fiancé, but your mom, who raised you, doesn’t…all bets are off…I’d tell Dad first!

So, that said....do you have a good engagement story?

Who did you tell first and how did you tell them?

My hubby proposed on Christmas morning. I called all my closest friends and my husbands family first (he called them) because we were going to see my parents later in the day...they didn't expect it...I didn't expect it...and we wanted to see the looks on their faces.

So what happened...we walked in wished everyone a Merry Christmas, gave hugs, kisses, helped in the kitchen....nothing. My brother walks in looks at me, and says "Dude, there is a ring on your finger!"  My mom was speechless...in a good way!

Want to know more about etiquette....Buy the book!

Everything Wedding Etiquette Book is Coming...Friday!

I won't even pretend to be shy about this one...

this post is all about blatant self promotion.

My latest book, 

The Everything Wedding Etiquette Book: From invites to thank you notes  - All you need to handle even the stickiest  situations with ease (Everything Series),

comes out Friday. I am SUPER excited!

So, if you know someone who is getting married

send them over that way and

tell them to buy the book!

I will be having a giveaway in the next week or two

and maybe including my other books
and some other goodies.
Tell your friends!

Good Taste Never Goes Out of Style

When you plan your wedding, if you remain true to yourself,

and you embrace your style fully, the results,

no matter what your budget, will be stunning.

Ultimately the trick to having a timeless wedding

is about deciding what "trends" to follow or not,

about selecting a gown you adore,

not one that is on the pages of every bridal magazine, and most
importantly about being a happy, gracious, and stylish bride.

The photos below are not of a recent wedding,

but the results are timeless.

This wedding could easily be pulled off right now

with the same details and look just as amazing.

A true sign of  good design.

For some background, this is one of my favorite weddings.

Everyone was delightful - the parents (both sides), the attendants,

the guests, and expecially the bride and groom!

We were also fortunate to work with some of
the best wedding professionals in L.A.
(and I had the best assistant!)

The bride was very into the details.

She knew exaclty what she wanted and she knew

how to make herself, her family, and the guests happy.

The budget for this wedding was grand,

but many of these details could easily
inspire a bride with any budget.

So without any further adieu...the wedding eye candy!

A beautiful ceremony at a historic church

Ringing the bells before heading to the reception.

A grand reception at an exclusive private club
in downtown Los Angeles

As each guest entered, they picked up an escort card

(to direct them to their table).

Inside the card, the bride and/or groom had written a special note,

or bits and pieces of special memories for each guest.

The table centerpieces were individual cakes sitting on silver bowls.

These cakes were served to the guests at cake cutting time,

leaving a silver bowl full of rose petals.

Later that night, each guest took a handful of rose petals

and showered the bride and groom with them

as they danced the last dance of the evening.

A small, but grand, two-tier cake was made for

the bride and groom to cut into at cake cutting time.

A bouquet with 5+ dozen roses!

Happy Planning!

Holly

PS-These photos were scanned in by moi...

(yes pre-digital era here)

so the quality is not what it should be.

Please appreciate the ideas and not the scanning.

This One's On Me!

What's Your Question Wednesday

Got a wedding question? Need some expert advice? Drop me a line!

Question

We do not drink, nor do our families.

Just about every wedding I have been to has served alcohol.

I would prefer not to serve alcohol,

but am thinkng we have to. Do we?

Answer

If you ask most people, a glass of wine or a signature cocktail

goes hand in hand with a wedding reception...and a jovial good time.

Of course, many venues also "encourage" a bar option,

as it adds to their bottom line. That said, no where is it written

that alcohol must be served at a wedding. It is merely your job

to provide the guests with food and beverage.

Whether that beverage is alcoholic is entirely up to you.

Of course, realize if you do not serve alcohol,

you may "hear about it" from some guests

-yes, it would be tacky for them to say anything,

but people never surprise me! -

and, let's be honest, the alcohol (usually) plays a part

in getting the dancing and party started. So as long as you realize

the minor implications of not serving alcohol,

and you are comfortable with your decision, go for it!

You may want to choose a sparkling wine,
or "memorable" beverage for the toast.
(a sparkling soda that matches the wedding colors, perhaps!)
The toast should always be special!

As a side note, if you choose to not serve alcohol,

keep it at that. I have been asked by brides if it is

OK to not offer hosted alcoholic beverages, but to offer

the guests a no-host (cash) bar if they want alcohol.

Don't do it. Respect and adhere to your decision.

Oh...before I go...if there is no alcohol,

offer the guests something special, such as a gourmet coffee bar,

a smoothie bar, signature lemonades (rosemary, strawberry, etc.),

specialty fruit juices, or sparkling Italian sodas...

there is no reason you cannot make it fun and interesting!

Happy Planning!

Holly

Keep an eye out...and tell your engaged friends -
I will be giving away one of my books very soon!

To Cake or Not To Cake?

What's Your Question Wednesday...

Got a question...drop me a line!

Question 

I know a wedding cake is a tradition,

but I really do not want or see the need for one.

Am I breaking some serious law of etiquette

or stepping all over tradition if I skip the wedding cake?

Answer 

There is no law in wedding world that says

you must have a wedding cake.
Yes, wedding cakes are a tradition

(and when the associated tradition of smashing it
in one's face disappears, it will be none too soon...
yes, couples still do this!).

However....this is your wedding and you should do

what suits your style and the style of your wedding.

I have had a few couples skip the wedding cake...

and trust me...grandma did not understand...

in fact mom and dad had a hard time understanding.

It is simply a tradition that people have come to expect,

but that does not mean you cannot find your own just dessert!

A few alternatives to a wedding cake include...cupcakes

(which arrived on the scene at least 10 years ago are still rocking it),

mini Bundt cakes, ice cream cake, cheesecake,
donuts, or a signature dessert...
pretty much if you can dream it up (and afford it)

...it can be at your wedding.

Think about blending tradition with your savvy style...

One couple, who chose to marry at a favorite local restaurant,

decided to serve the restaurant's famous chocolate souffle

in lieu of wedding cake. Now at this wedding, many of the guests

were of a different generation, so we were a little unsure

of what they were going to think.Guess what...they loved it! 

However, the bride had visions that in 10 or 20 years

she was going to regret her "no cake" decision.

 So, to honor tradition, we ordered a small cake.

They sliced it and fed each other a piece,

just prior to dessert service.

For the record...I just love a FABULOUS wedding cake!

And by FABULOUS, I mean...

one that looks divine and tastes just as decadent. 

Happy Planning!

Holly

What to Wear!?

What's Your Question?

Have a question...a dilemma...just plain confused

about a wedding related matter?

Look no further...this is the Q and A place.

Question...

My hubby and I are going to an indoor, evening wedding with a cocktail party reception. I was thinking of wearing my version of the "little black dress" with a lavender wrap and some sort of metallic-colored heel/sandal. Is this acceptable? You must always get the "is-black-okay-at-weddings" question...

Answer...

For modern weddings, at a soiree such as you describe, black is totally acceptable. Accenting it with fabulous accessories, especially with a colored wrap and cute shoes is stylish and sophisticated and totally appropriate.

Drop me a line via email or leave your question in the comment box (be sure there is an email hooked up to your blogger account...I cannot help you out asap if you are a no-reply at blogger person)

Happy Planning!

Holly

What's Your Question Wednesday?

I just love answering questions about weddings.
So, to honor this little hobby of mine
and in anticipation of my book,

The Everything Wedding Etiquette Book: From invites to thank you notes - All you need to handle even the stickiest situations with ease (Everything Series)

releasing very soon, I am making Wednesday's

"What's Your Question Wednesday?"

The Question

My daughter and all of her bridesmaids live in Seattle. I'm in Denver, as are most of her childhood friends and all our extended family. I know that traditionally family members should not throw a shower for the couple. In this situation, would it be terrible to break that rule or should I have a couple of my friends put their names on the invite? The shower will have to be held at my house because of the size of the shower? Advice???

The Answer

When I give advice, I always like to reference the traditional etiquette for each case just so we all know where we I am coming from. That said, times have changed, people have changed, and every circumstance is totally unique, so, in my opinion, there is no one right or wrong answer for most questions (I say most, because, I do have a few points I am a stickler with).


Traditional etiquette dictates that the bride's (or groom's) mother or grandmother should not host a shower; that responsibility should be left to more distant relatives, like a cousin or aunt, or to the maid of honor, bridesmaids, and other friends. The logic behind this rule is that the bride and groom’s families shouldn’t appear to be asking for gifts. 

Now for the reality of the situation...

1. You have to do what is right for you and your family. I seriously doubt anyone (unless you are inviting some super-strict etiquette experts) is going to give a second thought to a family member hosting the shower. Especially in your case, it is simply a logistical necessity. 
2. It is perfectly fine to hold the shower at your home regardless of who is hosting (i.e., if some others step in to assist).
3. Are the bridesmaids hosting a shower as well? Or is this the only shower? If this is the only shower, consider including the Maid of Honor's name on the invitation.
4. If it makes you feel more comfortable and a few of the childhood friends or extended family members wouldn't mind, include their names on the invitation along with yours. 

So, what does this mean?...The etiquette police will not come knocking on your door. This should not be something you worry about. Etiquette rules should be taken into account, but only to the point where as they are feasible. Guests know what to expect at a bridal shower - they know it is about showering the bride with gifts, and no one should hold it against a mother for having her daughters shower at her home or for hosting it.

Happy Planning!

Holly