Mythical Monday! Thank You Notes

It's time for Mythical Mondays where we clarify
what really is and isn't true about...wedding planning.

MYTH: You have one year to write thank you notes.

TRUTH: A widely held belief that a bride and groom have one year to send thank you notes to their guests is beyond comprehension. How will the guest know you even received the carefully selected gift? Will you even remember what you received as wedding gifts in one year? How motivated will you really be in one year? 

The confusion comes from the notion that a guest has up to one year to send a gift. In actuality, the newlyweds should attempt to get out any thank you's within a few weeks of returning from the honeymoon (a couple of months is really the maximum). Thank you's for gifts received before the wedding should be sent promptly. This goes for engagement, shower, and wedding presents sent to the home.

Thank You Cheat Sheet

1. Email, texts, and a general shout-out on your wedding web site are not acceptable. The written word still rules here.
2. Mention the gift. If it is a monetary gift you do not need to mention the amount, rather call it the "generous gift" or something similar.
   
3. Include how you plan to use it
   
4. Thank the guest for their generosity.
   
5. Add a personal sentiment if possible.
   
6. Sign your married name only after you are officially married.
7. Use your maiden name for anything thank you notes written prior to the ceremony, even if it is a wedding gift (i.e., shower gifts, a wedding gift sent to your home that arrives in the days or weeks prior to the wedding).

Sample Thank You Note:

Dear Uncle Jack,

Thank you so much for the place setting of formal china. We are so excited to host our first holiday meal on our china, and even more excited that you will be joining us. We are looking forward to seeing you there. Thank you for being a part of our wedding celebration.

Love,

Lisa

Happy Planning!
Holly

Take a Seat!

No one ever said planning a wedding was easy.
Add to that the slew of urban legends and
myths associated with wedding planning,
and it can be confusing. While some of these myths
seem simple enough and, on the surface,
sometimes even logical, don't be fooled.
Dispelling the myths of wedding planning
will help you avoid disappointment.

On to the myth...

MYTH: I do not need a seating plan. I have no time for it and no one cares anyway.

TRUTH: If you are serving a meal (i.e. the guest will need to find a place to sit and eat), a seating plan falls just short of being considered a necessity. A seating plan is a courtesy that simply alleviates any uneasy feeling or uncomfortable moments as guest find a seat at the reception. If you’re planning a cocktail party, or not planning to serve a full meal, a seating plan isn’t necessary, but you should have enough tables and chairs to accommodate all of your guests.

I won't lie, seating plans can be complicated...and chances are not everyone is going to be happy, you just have to do your best at match and mixing up the guests. Once the responses are in and accounted for, try these tips to get you going:

• Get a floor plan from the venue that outlines the layout of the room (dance floor, bar, guest book, gift table, etc.).
• Know how many guests can be seated at each table. A good rule to follow is eight to ten guests at a sixty-inch round table. 
• Decide where you will be sitting, and where your family and bridal party will be sitting. Also determine what the seating arrangement will be for the wedding party and yourself - a head table, sweetheart table, feasting table, etc. 
• Ask for input from your families when determining who should sit where. (optional, but usually a good idea).
• Determine if their are any guests with special needs, such as your grandparents not wanting to be sitting next to the college "party" crowd, or guests with young children being seated right next to the bands speakers. Additionally, be sure to account for any guests with a disability. 
• Match guests up by families, where you know them from, or by similar interests. From here you will be playing a card game of sorts, mix and matching until you have the right guests at the “right” seats. Try to avoid playing matchmaker with the single guests, it could be uncomfortable.
  

I have seen brides work with all sorts of "tools" for placing the guests at tables...Post it notes with the guests names, spread sheets, dry erase boards (think football coach)...you have to decide how you can best visualize the seating arrangements...there is no right or wrong answer.

HIP TIP: Always be sure to formulate and print out (at least 2) alphabetized guest lists with the guests table assignment. Give the list to the wedding planner, location manager, or banquet captain...you never know when the guest is going to set down the escort card with their cocktail napkin...and bye-bye to the trash it goes.

So, once you have the seating plan down,

you need to direct the guests to the right seat...

and how are you going to do that?....
Look for the next post on escort cards and place cards.

Mythical Mondays

It's that time again...Mythical Mondays! But before I go any further, just a couple of quick notes...

First, be on the lookout for a book giveaway...yes, The Everything Wedding Etiquette Book is coming out very soon, and I will be giving away a copy (or maybe two)!

Secondly, I am accepting questions about etiquette and general planning...feel free to email me or post it in the comments, just be sure to leave me an email or check back often so you can catch the answer. I will be posting Q and A on Wednesdays.

So with no further adieu...

MYTH: Buffet meals are less expensive than plated meals.

TRUTH: I am sure you've heard it...to save cash have a buffet at your reception. While this may have been true at one time, it is not always the case anymore. It really depends on the location, caterer, and the type of meal service you decide on.

In general, unless you are taking about throwing out a 6-foot long sandwich and calling it a day, buffet meals require just as much time and attention as plated meals. While the caterer may need additional servers for a plated meal, for the buffet the caterer must make more food, as some of the guests may visit the buffet line one, two, or three times before being satisfied. Secondly, there must also be enough china and flatware on hand for these repeat visitors - a guest should never revisit the line with a "dirty" plate. And, finally, if you are responsible for rental items, you will need to rent tables and linens for the buffet, as well as possibly arranging for some decor. 

Also, don't make the mistake of thinking food stations are the same as a buffet either. Stations are typically more costly and elaborate than buffets. They typically require a chef at each station and specialty items as well.

What does this mean? In your search for the perfect venue and caterer ask the questions and get all your facts in order before just assuming a buffet will cost less. There is much more to making this decision as well, look for more details in the coming weeks.

Happy Planning!

Holly

Mythical Mondays

Another Monday...and back to the myths of wedding planning...

MYTH: You can cut floral costs by purchasing your own candles and/or containers for floral arrangements, instead of having the florist or event designer provide them. DIY is always more sensible and will save you money.

TRUTH: I love DIY in many cases...but sometimes you must really considers the pros and cons, not just think about the cash savings. Beyond cost, consider the following: where are you going to store these containers (until the day before the wedding), what are you going to do with them after (do you need 20 candelabras?), how are you going to transport them (will 20 candelabras fit in your 4 door sedan...not likely!), are you sure the florist can use them (will they be the right size, etc.), do you want to be responsible for them on the wedding night...chances are the florist will not transport them back to his studio and store them until after the honeymoon...they are yours!

In actuality, these are not the items that the florist is making their big money on. What you end up with instead is a string of problems ranging from containers that cannot stand up to the complexities of the floral arrangements you desire, mismatched containers, and storage/transportation issues.

In terms of candles, you need to be sure to buy tempered votive holders and hurricanes, as well as ones that meet current fire code for the city in which your venue is located. Again...who is going to haul them to and from the sites...think about it!

Also, scented candles can irritate the senses and distract from the meal service - just imagine the lovely scent of Gardenia and Filet Mignon. Or worse yet, you buy candles at the dollar store, and they burnout 2 hours into the evening. Many brides also like to purchase their own twinkle lights, and miscalculate the number they need, forget adapters and extension cords, and worse yet, for the battery-operated strands, forget the batteries (by the way battery operated ones don't really last all that long!).

HIP TIP: Smart and Final has the best votives candles...an 8 hour burn and no scent!

Happy Planning!

Holly

Mythical Mondays

Myth: You do not need a wedding planner. The location/venue/catering manager will help me.


Truth: Simply speaking, a location manager is not the same as a wedding planner. The location manager works for the venue and the wedding planner works for you! The three of you (+ the groom) should work together to ensure your wedding runs smoothly.


That said, it works differently at all locations, so you cannot make assumptions. There are venues where the location managers (sometimes called a catering or site manager) will work closely with you on all details from the moment you book the location until you leave the reception as husband and wife, offering vendors referrals, advice, and suggestions to assist you. Still, some venues work with a more hands-off approach, assisting you with details related to the venue (pricing, menu, times) and nothing more. In many instances, the location manager is onsite for the beginning of your wedding to ensure everything is ready to go but may leave sometime after the reception begins, leaving you in the hands of the banquet captain.

A wedding planner works independently of the venue and is hired by you, to be your advocate. Now, depending on what services you hire a wedding planner for, she can be available to accompany you on appointments, taste menus, assemble invitations, run errands, or to simply manage the wedding day. (Check back later in the week for the skinny on the different types of wedding planning services!)


So, don't get the services and responsibilities of wedding planners and location managers confused. Lastly, don't be surprised...ask questions, specific questions. Be sure you understand the extent of the assistance your location manager offers.


Happy Planning!
Holly


P.S. I always recommend the services of a professional wedding planner.