Wednesday, November 18, 2009

What's Your Question Wednesday?

I just love answering questions about weddings.
So, to honor this little hobby of mine
and in anticipation of my book,
releasing very soon, I am making Wednesday's
"What's Your Question Wednesday?"

The Question

My daughter and all of her bridesmaids live in Seattle. I'm in Denver, as are most of her childhood friends and all our extended family. I know that traditionally family members should not throw a shower for the couple. In this situation, would it be terrible to break that rule or should I have a couple of my friends put their names on the invite? The shower will have to be held at my house because of the size of the shower? Advice???

The Answer
When I give advice, I always like to reference the traditional etiquette for each case just so we all know where we I am coming from. That said, times have changed, people have changed, and every circumstance is totally unique, so, in my opinion, there is no one right or wrong answer for most questions (I say most, because, I do have a few points I am a stickler with).

Traditional etiquette dictates that the bride's (or groom's) mother or grandmother should not host a shower; that responsibility should be left to more distant relatives, like a cousin or aunt, or to the maid of honor, bridesmaids, and other friends. The logic behind this rule is that the bride and groom’s families shouldn’t appear to be asking for gifts. 

Now for the reality of the situation...
  1. You have to do what is right for you and your family. I seriously doubt anyone (unless you are inviting some super-strict etiquette experts) is going to give a second thought to a family member hosting the shower. Especially in your case, it is simply a logistical necessity. 
  2. It is perfectly fine to hold the shower at your home regardless of who is hosting (i.e., if some others step in to assist).
  3. Are the bridesmaids hosting a shower as well? Or is this the only shower? If this is the only shower, consider including the Maid of Honor's name on the invitation.
  4. If it makes you feel more comfortable and a few of the childhood friends or extended family members wouldn't mind, include their names on the invitation along with yours. 
So, what does this mean?...The etiquette police will not come knocking on your door. This should not be something you worry about. Etiquette rules should be taken into account, but only to the point where as they are feasible. Guests know what to expect at a bridal shower - they know it is about showering the bride with gifts, and no one should hold it against a mother for having her daughters shower at her home or for hosting it.

Happy Planning!



Marilyn (A Lot of Loves) said...

I think your answer is spot on. For my wedding my sisters were the bridesmaids and didn't live in the same town as me. For reasons that I can't quite remember no one else felt comfortable holding a shower for me and in the end I arranged my own shower (which frankly was embarrassing). If the mother of the bride wants to hold a shower for her daughter so the daughter actually has a shower then I say go for it!

Cairo Typ0 said...

Great advice. I didn't realize that family members weren't supposed to throw showers. It seems that nowadays people seem to have, like, six showers all thrown by different people. *sigh*

Tamara McDonald said...

Can't wait for your new book. I will look for it soon!

Risley and Dylan said...

gread advise!
i was a wedding planner for years!
I love all things about wedding except the late Sat nights!!lol!

AudreyO said...

What an interesting post. I had no idea why parents should not throw the shower. Thanks for sharing this shower information.

Risley and Dylan said...

I just tagged you in a Happy post!
If you want to to keep going check it out!

Margaret aka: Fact Woman said...

Thanks. I took your advice and put the maid of honor who can now attend the shower and one of my best friends who is helping with it down as the hostesses. It will still be at my house but I feel much better not having my name on it. I'm one of those etiquette followers. Your advice was spot on and I can't thank you enough for it.

warmchocmilk said...

Weddings are fun. My brother is getting married next month, I just had a shower for my future sister- in law..wish I would have seen this before that :)

Miss Caitlin S. said...

GREAT to know!!! I love that present too by the way.

Caroline said...

Great advice! My husband and I eloped when we got married, which was totally romantic and fun, but I also think planning a wedding the traditional way is so magical!

mommywonderland said...

Glad you stopped by my place...and we can sip lattes from home safe and sound! Happy Turkey DAY!

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