What's Your Question Wednesday?

I just love answering questions about weddings.
So, to honor this little hobby of mine
and in anticipation of my book,

The Everything Wedding Etiquette Book: From invites to thank you notes - All you need to handle even the stickiest situations with ease (Everything Series)

releasing very soon, I am making Wednesday's

"What's Your Question Wednesday?"

The Question

My daughter and all of her bridesmaids live in Seattle. I'm in Denver, as are most of her childhood friends and all our extended family. I know that traditionally family members should not throw a shower for the couple. In this situation, would it be terrible to break that rule or should I have a couple of my friends put their names on the invite? The shower will have to be held at my house because of the size of the shower? Advice???

The Answer

When I give advice, I always like to reference the traditional etiquette for each case just so we all know where we I am coming from. That said, times have changed, people have changed, and every circumstance is totally unique, so, in my opinion, there is no one right or wrong answer for most questions (I say most, because, I do have a few points I am a stickler with).


Traditional etiquette dictates that the bride's (or groom's) mother or grandmother should not host a shower; that responsibility should be left to more distant relatives, like a cousin or aunt, or to the maid of honor, bridesmaids, and other friends. The logic behind this rule is that the bride and groom’s families shouldn’t appear to be asking for gifts. 

Now for the reality of the situation...

1. You have to do what is right for you and your family. I seriously doubt anyone (unless you are inviting some super-strict etiquette experts) is going to give a second thought to a family member hosting the shower. Especially in your case, it is simply a logistical necessity. 
2. It is perfectly fine to hold the shower at your home regardless of who is hosting (i.e., if some others step in to assist).
3. Are the bridesmaids hosting a shower as well? Or is this the only shower? If this is the only shower, consider including the Maid of Honor's name on the invitation.
4. If it makes you feel more comfortable and a few of the childhood friends or extended family members wouldn't mind, include their names on the invitation along with yours. 

So, what does this mean?...The etiquette police will not come knocking on your door. This should not be something you worry about. Etiquette rules should be taken into account, but only to the point where as they are feasible. Guests know what to expect at a bridal shower - they know it is about showering the bride with gifts, and no one should hold it against a mother for having her daughters shower at her home or for hosting it.

Happy Planning!

Holly